"Gut Feelings" - Are They Becoming Extinct?
As an English language teacher, idioms mean a lot to me. They are the part of language that is the most difficult to teach and learn, but they are also the part that is the richest in reflecting culture. For example, take the expression "gut feelings". It is a reflection on the changes in our technologically focused culture that many new mothers are not being encouraged to experience them anymore. Unless the doctor, or a magazine article, or an expert on the morning talk show validates their actions, many of our new mothers appear to have difficulty claiming the confidence in their own ability to instinctively know what is best for their children. It's not that the skill is lost. It's just that it is not being validated by the "experts" enough so that new mothers are not aware that they have this gift. New moms who feel it budding within them often have a period of anxiety until they gain full confidence in themselves (usually when they have their second child and don't have as much time to think about it all). Case in point: I read a blog today in which a young mom was agonizing about some recurring odd movements that her six month old was displaying. The doctor dismissed her and her concerns, but she was still worried about it. My advice to her was to change pediatricians to find one that honored the fact that she knows her baby better than anyone else.
I'll never forget the time that I first learned this fact to be true . I had spent the night dunking a screaming 6 month old in ice water at the direction of a pediatrician who gave me that option or the emergency room in a midnight phone call. I didn't think this was the way to handle the situation but dreaded the hospital alternative. The baby reacted very badly to this (duh!). When the temp got worse and he finally threw up from screaming, I stopped, and with trepidation wiped him gently with tepid water on his pulse spots for a while, singing softly to him to calm him as my husband got the car ready for a trip to the emergency room, if necessary. The temp eventually went down and the next day I changed pediatricians. As I told my tale of "The Night From Hell", this experienced doctor chastised me saying that I knew my baby better than anyone else and if something wasn't working for the baby I should follow my "gut feelings" and do what came naturally. Incredible! Did I hear that right? I knew my baby better than the pediatrician? That from a doctor! For me it was an epiphany! Maybe I was dense to begin with, but mothering came so much easier to me after that vote of confidence. I will always thank him for that.
So what does all this have to do with Grandparents? Everything! We might want to remember that in many less technological societies we would be considered "The Wise Ones". It is our work to be the ones who support the natural ability of our children to mother their children. We know the validity of the skill that we are trying to reinforce. It's the same one that lets us know that our child in the other room is getting into mischief without us even being there. It is the same skill that is responsible for what has been traditionally called "the eyes in the back of your head". It is "woman's intuition" and it really exists. In less technological societies, mothers take it for granted. In our world of instant answers for everything via the Internet, and medical technology that tries to tell us, to the day, when we have to give birth, it has fallen to the wayside. I would like us to bring it once again to the forefront since it has served women well for thousands of years. This doesn't mean that we need to constantly give advice, but we could constantly bolster confidence in young mothers helping them realize that they have within them a set of mothering skills that is their legacy as women. When our children are conflicted about which path to take in a child rearing situation, let's encourage them to listen to what they "feel" is best rather than what they "think" is best, regardless of whether or not they can find an "expert" to back them up.
Visit Nona Nitas Nook at www.nonanitasnook.com for more on Enlightened Modern Grandparenting
and
My Path Productions at www.mypathproductions.com for products and services that enhance an enlightened lifestyle.
I'll never forget the time that I first learned this fact to be true . I had spent the night dunking a screaming 6 month old in ice water at the direction of a pediatrician who gave me that option or the emergency room in a midnight phone call. I didn't think this was the way to handle the situation but dreaded the hospital alternative. The baby reacted very badly to this (duh!). When the temp got worse and he finally threw up from screaming, I stopped, and with trepidation wiped him gently with tepid water on his pulse spots for a while, singing softly to him to calm him as my husband got the car ready for a trip to the emergency room, if necessary. The temp eventually went down and the next day I changed pediatricians. As I told my tale of "The Night From Hell", this experienced doctor chastised me saying that I knew my baby better than anyone else and if something wasn't working for the baby I should follow my "gut feelings" and do what came naturally. Incredible! Did I hear that right? I knew my baby better than the pediatrician? That from a doctor! For me it was an epiphany! Maybe I was dense to begin with, but mothering came so much easier to me after that vote of confidence. I will always thank him for that.
So what does all this have to do with Grandparents? Everything! We might want to remember that in many less technological societies we would be considered "The Wise Ones". It is our work to be the ones who support the natural ability of our children to mother their children. We know the validity of the skill that we are trying to reinforce. It's the same one that lets us know that our child in the other room is getting into mischief without us even being there. It is the same skill that is responsible for what has been traditionally called "the eyes in the back of your head". It is "woman's intuition" and it really exists. In less technological societies, mothers take it for granted. In our world of instant answers for everything via the Internet, and medical technology that tries to tell us, to the day, when we have to give birth, it has fallen to the wayside. I would like us to bring it once again to the forefront since it has served women well for thousands of years. This doesn't mean that we need to constantly give advice, but we could constantly bolster confidence in young mothers helping them realize that they have within them a set of mothering skills that is their legacy as women. When our children are conflicted about which path to take in a child rearing situation, let's encourage them to listen to what they "feel" is best rather than what they "think" is best, regardless of whether or not they can find an "expert" to back them up.
Visit Nona Nitas Nook at www.nonanitasnook.com for more on Enlightened Modern Grandparenting
and
My Path Productions at www.mypathproductions.com for products and services that enhance an enlightened lifestyle.
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