"Under the River and Around The Woods"...The Changing Face of Family Holidays.
I was brought up to be a control freak. I went to a parochial school in the mid 50's where, let's face it, there was always a "right-way" and a "wrong way" to do things. If you didn't want to end up sitting in the waste paper basket with your gum on your nose, you strove to do things the "right" way. The nuns would click those clickersYou know, the ones they use to train animals with) when they wanted us to kneel, or sit, or stand. Every class started with a "Good Morning Sister". We jumped to full attention when an adult entered the room, grabbing our seats before they flipped up and hit us on the butt. Once you figured out what the "right" way was, you did things ritually, so you wouldn't have to figure them out again... so with this background, who in the room is surprised when I admit that I tend to be a little apprehensive about changing the way I do things...especially the ritual of holidays? Before the kids were married, planning the holidays was a "no brainer." Through some trial and error, we had, early in our marriage, figured out the "right" formula that pleased all involved. Easter was always at my mom's, with her famous Easter Soup and a ham, Thanksgiving was with "his" family (Turkey of course) and Christmas was always at "our" house (the long awaited, Fillet Mignon). After dinner, we would "make the rounds" to the other houses visiting cousins and aunts and uncles until we saw everyone and every one saw the kids. It was pleasant and it was possible because we all lived within 10 minutes of each other.
Well, the house became a casualty of the divorce and has been replaced by an efficiency apartment, much too small for a sit down dinner (or a stand up one, for that matter). The father is down in North Carolina. My daughter and her new husband live an hour away, and my son, daughter-in-law, and the 14 month old granddaughter just moved closer to me, but, his in-laws just moved closer to them. Adding to the confusion is Pop-Pop's stroke, my mom's inability to realize that she has become scary behind the wheel of a car, and the kids' marriages into families with brothers, sisters,and moms and dads living in 5 different states (and that isn't even including the step-families from second marriages). Holidays are no longer "no brainers". Truth is, no matter how hard I try to maneuver it, we just can't all be together on the holidays any more. Things are going to have to...yes...here it comes...that foul tasting, dreaded word...change! Sister Delores Therese may just roll over in her grave, but I have to admit it.......there just isn't any "right way" anymore. So there! It's been said. It's out in the open. And the sky didn't fall. In truth it's a bit freeing. I mean, after all, I see them the day before the holiday and the day after. What does it really matter if I don't see them "on" the holiday? And I do remind myself that to so many families who might be facing the holidays with loved ones in the service, or without the company of a recently deceased loved one, I must sound rather petty. Actually, I'm sure I'll do just fine. We will all get together at my daughter's for a few hours on the night before christmas, then go on our merry ways. It will be a wonderful "new" tradition that might only last for a year or maybe 20...either way, It'll be just fine... Just hope Pop-Pop's teeth don't click!!
If any of this resonates with your experience, or inspires you to share how your family deals with getting together or not getting together on the holidays, we'd love to hear from you. For those who may be facing the holidays with trepidation or a sense of loneliness follow these links for some good advice.
http://grandparenting.suite101.com/article.cfm/grandparents_empty_nest
Although the following article isn't specifically for grandparents, it has some great strategies for the holiday blues.
singleparents.about.com/od/holidays/tp/holiday_alone.htm
Don't forget to check out Nona Nita's Nook for a nonagram to put in e-mails to the grandchildren!
Well, the house became a casualty of the divorce and has been replaced by an efficiency apartment, much too small for a sit down dinner (or a stand up one, for that matter). The father is down in North Carolina. My daughter and her new husband live an hour away, and my son, daughter-in-law, and the 14 month old granddaughter just moved closer to me, but, his in-laws just moved closer to them. Adding to the confusion is Pop-Pop's stroke, my mom's inability to realize that she has become scary behind the wheel of a car, and the kids' marriages into families with brothers, sisters,and moms and dads living in 5 different states (and that isn't even including the step-families from second marriages). Holidays are no longer "no brainers". Truth is, no matter how hard I try to maneuver it, we just can't all be together on the holidays any more. Things are going to have to...yes...here it comes...that foul tasting, dreaded word...change! Sister Delores Therese may just roll over in her grave, but I have to admit it.......there just isn't any "right way" anymore. So there! It's been said. It's out in the open. And the sky didn't fall. In truth it's a bit freeing. I mean, after all, I see them the day before the holiday and the day after. What does it really matter if I don't see them "on" the holiday? And I do remind myself that to so many families who might be facing the holidays with loved ones in the service, or without the company of a recently deceased loved one, I must sound rather petty. Actually, I'm sure I'll do just fine. We will all get together at my daughter's for a few hours on the night before christmas, then go on our merry ways. It will be a wonderful "new" tradition that might only last for a year or maybe 20...either way, It'll be just fine... Just hope Pop-Pop's teeth don't click!!
If any of this resonates with your experience, or inspires you to share how your family deals with getting together or not getting together on the holidays, we'd love to hear from you. For those who may be facing the holidays with trepidation or a sense of loneliness follow these links for some good advice.
http://grandparenting.suite101.com/article.cfm/grandparents_empty_nest
Although the following article isn't specifically for grandparents, it has some great strategies for the holiday blues.
singleparents.about.com/od/holidays/tp/holiday_alone.htm
Don't forget to check out Nona Nita's Nook for a nonagram to put in e-mails to the grandchildren!
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